Romantic interest, also, has no bearing on how compatible you are in actuality. Like dating, romantic interest is guesswork initially. Here’s how romantic interest works: Either two people have it or it’s doomed. Forget what I want.” Cue squeezing eyes shut, making noises in the right places (because we don’t want to ‘punish’ them by not acting as if it was the most spectacular sex ever), crying self to sleep, and being haunted by shame. I couldn’t have you suffering a hard-on with nowhere to put it just because I don’t want to have sex. “Ooh, you want sex and I don’t? Oh they’re there. Why does this happen? Because they’re afraid of not being ‘nice’ and ‘punishing’ that person for not wanting the same thing. And that’s without getting into all the ones who’ve come and gone before us. Out there right now, there are millions of women who sleep with people, hold their tongue, and continue in awful relationships. You say that it doesn’t seem fair to “punish” someone because they don’t view you romantically. You’re the one who’s rejecting and overlooking yourself by extension of your participation. You’re taking what you’re doing to you and calling it his behaviour. If you’re 100% honest, you’ll see that you’ve seconded yourself to this ‘friendship’ in the hopes of eventually taking up a title relationship where you are the Good Girl Who Made Mr Unavailable Change His Ways. You have a choice in setting the boundary lines of your friendship. This is a painful situation… in which you’re an active participant. Until you own your part, though, you’ll be playing Girl Who Doesn’t Have A Cluenwhile feeling as if this is something he’s doing to you. The truth is, you know what’s going on here but you’re pretending that you don’t and attacking your self-worth. You don’t think that some of the other members in his harem wonder why he only sleeps with them but gives you everything else? This guy has it made! He’s play-acting at a relationship and playing you all off against each other. He’s enjoying all the fringe benefits of a romantic relationship minus the sex while getting to go and throw his willy about elsewhere. Eventually you realise that I’ve done a superficial fix of the old car and spray-painted it a different colour and called it ‘new’. And even though the car is playing up, you keep pushing down your concerns and annoyance. I keep telling you how I’d hate to lose you. And sometimes you park up while I mess with other women. Sometimes we drive around naked without touching. Imagine you purchased a car from me and discovered that it was faulty and not as described, and I said, “Kim, I’ve been an assclown. Your ‘friend’ is, as we say here in England, mugging you off. In the words of Whoopi Goldberg’s character Oda Mae Brown in Ghost, “Kim, you in danger girl”. Is there any way you can shed a bit of light on what my next steps should be? ******************** I don’t know what to think or what to do. I have been at the receiving end of that dynamic for most of my life. It’s really hard, and I am afraid that I cannot continue at this pace.Īm I doing the wrong thing by keeping him in my life? It doesn’t seem fair to punish a person because they do not view me romantically. I have held it together thus far, and he really is a close friend, but I keep doubting myself and wondering why this man values me in every other way except romantically. I guess I feel kind of ugly because he’ll sleep with practically anyone except me and we’ ve connected on so many levels but he can’t see his way to anything romantic. I seldom anger unless there is a very critical issue on the table.Īnyway, we have all these good things between us, but it’ s still hard for me to feel so rejected and overlooked. Any time we have argued, he makes himself sick with worry over losing me from his life. In essence, we live in each others back pockets. We easily sleep in the same bed (mostly naked, without sex), and I know almost everything there is to know about him. We see each other every day, talk on the phone multiple times a day, and have met our respective families and friends. So, I worked on me and realised that he was an emotional disaster in the first place and not a good match for me anyway, but we’ ve stayed really good friends. Fast forward–after things reached a breaking point, we agreed to be friends. The tricky situation: Kim asks, I pined for a Mr Unavailable for months while he let me believe that we were essentially together. Tags: casual relationships, friends with an ex, getting over a breakup, lost interest, Mr Unavailable, narcissistic harems, narcissists, shady behaviour, shady people, shady relationships, Users and Being Used
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